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Sunday September 29 2013
Mock the Quotes: Kanye Balotelli

Daniele De Rossi channels Prince Charles and Mario Balotelli talks in the third person, as Susy Campanale finds the week’s strangest utterances.

“Mario got it wrong and Mario apologises, but I don’t want to apologise to everyone because it’s not as if I killed someone.”

Balotelli apologises for saying something stupid, talks about himself in the third person and then starts to take back the apology – he has officially become calcio's Kanye West

“The nickname Capitano Futuro is now becoming a sentence. I’ll have to wear the vice-captain armband forever!”

Daniele De Rossi feels like Prince Charles to Francesco Totti’s Queen

“I’ll look at the League table at Christmas. In my opinion, we will be in a different position by then.”

So might Massimiliano Allegri...

“I bought this club when coming back on a flight from Los Angeles where I spoke to Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow, so football was not on my mind.”

Aurelio De Laurentiis went from Hollywood to the glamour of playing Serie C side Pizzighettone

“We threw away the advantage with an unforgivable error of unconscionable arrogance.”

Francesco Guidolin was so angry he broke out the thesaurus

“Maybe we have to be more clinical in front of goal and things would be easier.”

Alessandro Matri hits the nail on the head – though if it had been on the pitch he’d have hit Row Z

“It's quite a few years since Carlo coached me. It was inevitable we'd meet again, Coach to Coach. That means he is getting old. Me too!”

In that time Ancelotti has gained a few pounds and Antonio Conte gained a lot of hair

“Had I been in the shoes of De Rossi then I would have joined Manchester United.”

Not for the first time, Fabio Capello shows he doesn’t make the best decisions with regards to English football

“I believe a great deal in the resurrection of players.”

Vincenzo Montella didn’t just mean Bologna forward Lazaros Christodoulopoulos

“Jorginho followed Andrea Pirlo everywhere; I thought he was going to follow him into the toilets at one point!”

Conte expected a joint urine sample

“I think people should be judged by their actions, not words. We can only make up for the Derby with performances.”

Considering those, Sampdoria Coach Delio Rossi might want to write a poem instead

“Unfortunately Gennaro Gattuso and I, together, perhaps took too big a step in giving him his first experience as a Coach in a club and a place as demanding as Palermo.”

And, adds Maurizio Zamparini, with a President as mad as a box of frogs on mind-bending drugs

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