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Saturday August 31 2013
Mock the Quotes: UEFAustian pact

Gigi Buffon’s deal with the Devil, Mino Raiola’s art gallery and Gonzalo Higuain’s rearranged facial features are in Susy Campanale’s round-up.

“If I have another six or seven years of my career left, then I’d give three or four years to win the Champions League.”

Gigi Buffon considers a UEFAustian pact

“Would I have given up three years of my career for Antonio Conte to stay? Not three years, but maybe three weeks.”

Buffon could float his longevity on the stock exchange

“If Gareth Bale is worth €120m, then Paul Pogba is worth at least twice as much. Pogba is a Salvador Dali painting, while Mario Balotelli is the Mona Lisa.”

And agent Mino Raiola is PT Barnum reincarnated

 “I saw a picture of the wound and I am willing to ask for €100m in damages – a figure that I will donate to charity.”

Or Aurelio De Laurentiis could pay for Gonzalo Higuain to get diving lessons so he doesn’t go face-first into another rock

“The elimination is my fault. In the first leg I should’ve approached the game the way they did and been content with a draw. Unfortunately, I wanted to win the match.”

If that was the problem for Francesco Guidolin, then it’s becoming clear why Udinese keep failing at play-offs

“For a couple of years this has been going on, so maybe I’ll resign tomorrow morning. I’ll think it over tonight…”

Massimiliano Allegri just can’t bear to see a single day without headlines about him leaving Milan

“I had to use the phone, as the radio wasn’t working.”

Roma Coach Rudi Garcia could’ve at least pretended he was talking to his wife rather than his assistant manager. Nobody would’ve believed him, but it’s the gesture that counts

“I hope that one day I’m told I have €50m to spend on the market in the way I want.”

Antonio Conte just prays he has a better shopping list than Arsene Wenger

“I shouted at Abel Hernandez as if I was his father. I told him that I have had nothing from him in three years while I have given him everything in that time. He needs to get a move on or else I will kick him up the backside.”

Maurizio Zamparini will also take away his pocket money and force him to go to his room without dinner

“Carlos Tevez works like a mule!”

At least Giorgio Chiellini didn’t say he looks like a mule, or indeed smells like one

“We’re all nominated, so we’ll see in the end who gets the Oscar.”

Rafa Benitez is practicing his ‘honestly I’m so pleased for you’ face

“I don’t think a few jeers can condition a player or a club. At times, jeers are a sign of interest...”

Vincenzo Montella feels there’s only one thing worse than jeers from a crowd and that’s silence

“Why didn’t Insigne start? He had really bad diarrhoea this week, so I preferred Callejon.”

TMI, Benitez...

“The only reason I might have wanted to join a big club was because everyone said I couldn’t do it!”

Alessandro Diamanti fortunately has not constructed an entire career on spite

“We have to make sure that goalkeeper Samir Handanovic is not always our man of the match…”

Esteban Cambiasso is just jealous he gets to see so much of the ball

“With our luck we’ll pick Barcelona, Manchester City and Celtic!”

Two out of three ain’t bad, Adriano Galliani

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Have your say...
Allegri is constantly talked about as leaving, yet he's fast becoming one of Milan's longest serving coaches in recent times.
on the 5th September, 2013 at 9:58pm
You should fix your league list on the front page because Inter should not be at the top going on head-to-head.
on the 1st September, 2013 at 9:17pm
what a racist tevez comment. this susy person is always inappropriate when discussing anything juve.
on the 1st September, 2013 at 5:35pm

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