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Saturday June 1 2013
Mock the Quotes: Aurelio's advice

The derby brings out the worst in Roma and Aurelio De Laurentiis: Marriage Counsellor as Susy Campanale rounds up the week’s daftest statements.

“Money is not enough to convince a wife. If she wants to sleep with someone else, then she will.”

Aurelio De Laurentiis now refers to Walter Mazzarri as ‘that brazen hussy’

“Benitez told me he can’t wait to get to know Napoli, the Neapolitans and the local dialect.”

Working with De Laurentiis, we imagine the Spaniard will learn quite a few new words

“We were looking for the icing on the cake, but didn’t find it.”

Aurelio Andreazzoli couldn’t find the cake either. At most Roma’s season warranted a muffin.

“I am honoured to wear the jersey of Roma…the best is yet to come.”

Marquinhos is really not saying much

“Osvaldo? Causing a scene when the TV cameras are running is nothing new from him. But then in private he just moans and whines.”

The Roma Coach suggests his striker would be ideal for Celebrity Big Brother

“You should’ve just admitted you were incompetent... Go celebrate with the Laziali...”

Pablo Daniel Osvaldo confirms Twitter should develop an app blocking football players from sending career-ending messages

“I didn’t like this game in terms of technique, but I was impressed with the passion and determination on show.”

Andreazzoli must’ve been really struck by Osvaldo, then...

“The day after the game people would stop me in the street and kiss my right foot, the one I used to score the goal!”

It’s good that Senad Lulic specified why he was having his toes molested

“Andreazzoli did a good job, but was treated like a supply teacher at times by the media.”

Roma director Franco Baldini was forever removing whoopee cushions in the Press room

“This Cup is dedicated to all the children who tomorrow will go to school and say ‘We won.’ We beat Roma for the Coppa and now we’ve got to enjoy it!”

Cristian Ledesma doing his bit for diplomacy

“A solution will emerge that is not difficult to find if everyone puts themselves in the right direction, looks to their conscience and tries to choose what is best for our Milan.”

Since when did Silvio Berlusconi have a conscience?

“The Nerazzurri tried to destroy me several times – if I had not been strong mentally, I would have hung up my boots. Many people at that club do not deserve my respect.”

Wesley Sneijder is grateful to his bullet-proof ego

“Italian football will be curious to see Benitez at work after a few difficult months at Inter, arriving after Jose Mourinho had won everything.”

Giorgio Chiellini finds the nicest possible way of saying ‘the knives are out’

“I remember as a child I thought about how short our life is and that we have to live it to the full, to write our name in history.”

Hernanes preferred Sartre to Simon Says

“If I had chosen Real Madrid, I’d have won three Champions Leagues and two Ballon d’Ors on top of who knows what else.”

Francesco Totti would also have won Masterchef and Spain’s Got Talent

“I am very angry with Giuseppe Sannino, because to sign him last year I had to bow down to Siena.”

It didn’t stop Maurizio Zamparini firing him after three games, did it? 

“We were unable to create an atmosphere in which it is possible to grow.”

Roma director Baldini could not have asked for more manure, really

“I brought a person to this club who the non-believers criticised and asked to be sacked after the winter break.”

Claudio Lotito doesn’t want a club so much as a cult

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Have your say...
The Wesley Sneijder one is so spot on...I'm a fan of his game but his first season at Inter was certainly overrated and he showed himself to be lame...he piled on the Benitez criticism and complained that he was being played as a forward, when he was being played deeper in Benitez's system than he was in Mourinho's. He said he couldn't do what Eto'o did but he instead hung around doing nothing for two years, until he did what Eto'o did, for less money...a better league but not good enough. Lame
on the 1st June, 2013 at 5:58pm

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