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Friday March 1 2013
Mock the Quotes: Statuesque Balotelli

Mateo Kovacic on the Devil, Mario Balotelli as a God and Antonio Conte is no fan of the theatre as Susy Campanale rounds up the week’s oddest comments.

“Mario wanted to be immortalised in the pose after a goal: muscles in evidence and an expression to challenge the opponents. I imagined him as an athlete from ancient times. The statue will be between the classic and pop style, in platinum and coloured bronze with the eyes made of precious stones.”

Artist Livio Scarpella is confident Balotelli’s ego is not out of control after he commissioned a life-size statue of himself looking like a Greek God

“Anyone who believes in Jesus cannot fear the Diavolo.”

Mateo Kovacic knew the key to hurting Milan was a cross...

“Calling Balotelli a bad apple was a strategy, advised by Adriano Galliani, to ensure the price-tag did not go up. Today I spoke highly of Bojan Krkic and Galliani kicked me under the table!”

President Silvio Berlusconi reveals Milan’s transfer strategy is treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen

“This year some of the fans sat and watched the game as if they were at the theatre.”

Antonio Conte notes Juventus Stadium crowds are a step above prawn sandwiches – more prawn canapés

“I thought I did very, very well at Genoa.”

As Alberto Malesani got fired from that job, it’s therefore no surprise he was also sacked by Palermo

“The Coach cannot be blamed, as three rounds is not much to evaluate his work. The fault lies with us, not the tactician.”

That still didn’t stop President Maurizio Zamparini sacking yet another tactician, though

“I want to do everything in life, except take lessons from Lotito. That I can be sure of.”

Zamparini is adamant he will not learn from his mistakes, nor from the advice of others

“Sulley Muntari has taken control of the stereo in the locker room and is constantly pelting us with R’n’B music. Seeing as I don’t like it, if we win the Derby I’ll knock it all down and turn on Bruce Springsteen’s Born to Run at full volume.”

Massimo Ambrosini has no choice but to get jiggy wiv it

“We’ll go and play Napoli without making any calculations. That’s also because when we try to do that, things don’t add up.”

Gigi Buffon literally can’t do the math

“The problem was not tied to the physical and athletic tests, but rather because I could not have been in top form straight away. That is what Inter were expecting, but I can’t be at my best before taking a while to gain match fitness.”

Could Inter not have just asked John Carew that before flying him in and announcing a 15-day trial?

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