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Friday January 4 2013
Mock the Quotes: Cavani’s spell

Magical dealings around Edinson Cavani, Mario Balotelli’s latest insult and a stuffed Stephan El Shaarawy are among Susy Campanale’s collection of silly Serie A statements.

“I thought Mino Raiola was an agent. Reading what he said about Edinson Cavani, it seems he is also a wizard. I am not accustomed to predicting the future of my clients, let alone anyone else’s players.”

Claudio AnellucciRaiola Expelliarmus!

“Kevin-Prince Boateng kicked the ball at 200km/h at a fan and we all know that a reaction foul from a professional player is punished more severely than any other foul. In any other stadium in Italy, he would’ve been sent off. But if this had been at the Bernabeu or at San SiroBoateng would not have had such an improper reaction.”

Such a pity KPB didn’t aim the ball at the head of Busto Arsizio Mayor Gigi Farioli. It might’ve knocked some sense into him

“Mario Balotelli doesn’t convince me as a man.”

Coming from Milan President, former Italian Prime Minister and ‘Bunga Bunga’ Party enthusiast Silvio Berlusconi, that’s gotta hurt

“Let’s hope that Stephan El Shaarawy ate quite a lot of panettone and that he’s a bit heavier than he was.”

Siena goalkeeper Gianluca Pegolo wonders if stuffing your opponents with Christmas cake qualifies as cheating

“I still feel that I am ‘unripe’ as a Coach. In fact, I hope to remain like this.”

There are no fruit flies on Vincenzo Montella

“The rapport between us is still good, even if he creates some sort of chaos every day.”

Roberto Mancini concedes life is never dull with Balotelli

“Perhaps I kept my job because I was good at reassuring the club...”

Massimiliano Allegri reveals his hidden talents as a hypnotist

“I have gone round Europe and there are no clubs interested in Mauro Zarate for the figures President Claudio Lotito is bandying about. So the war starts now.”

Agent Luis Ruzzi puts the troubled striker on Ebay and, if that fails, Etsy...

“I am 34 and for a goalkeeper I don’t consider myself old. I am mature.”

Gigi Buffon practices his new Grecian 2000 ad

“It's like when you get knocked out in boxing – you don't have time to think, you just have to get back up and fight.”

Alvaro Pereira means after you’ve regained consciousness, obviously

“Even if I fell down the stairs and broke my leg, people would say it was because I was fragile.”

Alberto Aquilani insists he won’t get injured by just walking up stairs

“The call from Inter has arrived at the right moment for Tommaso Rocchi to finish his playing days in the right manner.”

On the bench, adds agent Oscar Damiani

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